They don’t want to be with you when you need them the most. They say you are emotionally blackmailing them when you beg them for their love and care.
You have never left them alone, never let them feel what it is like to feel the loneliness kill you from inside.
They say you are showing off when you try to express what you feel.
You keep crying and asking them for time and they drop the call and switch off their phone. They don’t care whether you are doing fine or not. They don’t bother whether you have stopped crying or not.
They don’t have anything to do with your aching heart that once they said they loved deeply madly. They are the same people whom you never left alone. They are the same people for whom you sacrificed a lot. The same people for whom you changed your schedule so that they wont feel disturbed with whatever they do.
You left home crying and asking for death cause the pain was unbearable. You messaged them to meet so that may be they will understand that right now you need them the most, more then you need air to breath, more then you want your heart to beat. More than anything and everything. But they ignored your message and never turned up.
You kept waiting outside their home, hoping they will realise that what they are doing is wrong, hoping that their heart will become humane again.
No one turned up – NO ONE.
You were left heartbroken and clueless, LIFELESS cause hey they still are the LIFE to you.
You cannot live without them, CANNOT imagine a second without them.
BUT baby girl, what are you doing to yourself, what on earth is stopping from MOVING ON.
BUT you ignore what your mind says and stick to your heart’s suggestion, “they love you, yes they do. It’s ok if they cannot do anything to express their love, it’s ok that they hurt you miserably BUT they said they LOVE YOU, and that is what matters”
Whom are you trying to fool baby girl. If they cannot express their love in it’s simplest form i.e. CARE. If they don’t care whether you are feeling better or not. How can they love you. OK, Okayyyy you say you love them, ask yourself will your love for them let you sleep if they are crying.. NO you will do anything to make them smile. NOW, think that they are crying because of you… You will prefer to die then to let them cry and go to sleep instead of being with them.
You cry your heart out, cry like a new born who has not been fed since long enough.
The only thing you asked for was love. The love that bought you people together, the love that is necessary for any relation to move forward. If they cannot give you that love, why do you believe they love you.
Don’t you realise ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Don’t you realise they are with you just for the sake of being with someone, cause they know no one, NO ONE can love them like you do. They know you are an emotional fool. But don’t you realise you deserve much better. Don’t you remember when they abuse you just cause you let out your feelings and asked for their time. Don’t you remember, don’t you realise….. you are precious to no one… but yourself AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS.
So now , while waiting and finding a way out of this heart pain, you realised that this is not gonna stop, this pain – this piercing pain wont give up on you. you call someone you know and HEY you land up in a hospital with doctor injecting you with pain killers and different shitty chemicals. You feel like you are loosing it, but you remind yourself that someone loves you.
COMON for God’s Sake grow up, you are diagnosed with severe depression and of course the reason being those people who think they are trying their level best to keep you happy when rather they are killing you with their attitude and behaviour.
You try to kill yourself, you think you are a waste, a useless body bag which no one wants in their life, which no one wants to love.
And now you are home, and back to thinking again….. wowwww great going …
They are the negativity in your life, they are the reason for all the mess you are in.
But hey you have had good times as well. Sometime I guess a couple of years back, when everything was like a dream, everything was going on smoothly. So here we are, CONCLUDING THIS TIFF between MIND AND HEART.
You wipe off your tears. you don’t listen to your mind, you ignore all the warning it gives you, you keep listening to your dumb stupid emotional heart, that along with the people in your life, is fooling you like always and here you are waiting for their call like a dumb bitch……..
And living in an abusive relationship just like nothing happened…
Just like you had never cried, like you never had been abused.
Just like you are the most happiest girl of this world…
AND even if you somewhere somehow want to end it, you cannot. Cause you are a senseless stupid idiot girl, who believe that your love will make them think and realise, and then everything will be perfect.
You are silly…